the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
