Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
