we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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