My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
