Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
