I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
A+ Viking dick
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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