the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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