I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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