I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Are we still banned from the library?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
