Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
