I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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