Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
