I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
