I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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