I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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