I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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