Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
