He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
