Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
