if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
