I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
