I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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