is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
