Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
