you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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