Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
