He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
