I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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