Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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