his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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