Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
