I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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