And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
