still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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