hotel room ftw
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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