I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
