you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
