I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Randomize
