I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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