Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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