i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
