I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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