Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sext me about skeletons
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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