why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
