Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
