sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
