I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
