got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
