Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
