the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
