It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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