apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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