I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
