god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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