Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
